Stupid Human Tricks: Just how did you break your collarbone?

This one is pretty self explanatory, but being the first installment in our series aptly titled 'Stupid Human Tricks, this deserves more than a drumroll and a hanky.

It never ceases to amaze me that an animal that is capable of exploring new worlds, and adapting to the neverending changes in his environment, is also quite capable of producing the occasional idiots as the ones in this partiucular case. As a series of unfortunate events, this would probably make for an amusing sequence in a movie. Not a very good movie mind you, but quite possibly the best sequence nevertheless. Two simple lessons to be derived from this adventure: Motorcycles stay outside and don't smoke in the house (shack, trailer or hovel). Either can contribue to a long stay at the hospital.

Hot Bitch of the Day - Rusty

Today's Hot Bitch of the Day is named Rusty. Now let me make this abunduntly clear: as much as he wants to be your bitch (boy; loving companion) he is not so prepared to say a permanent goodbye to his boy parts. Yes, today's HBOTD is a B-O-Y.

Rusty is a ridgeback mix an dis three years old. Which means he's got lots of energy to fill your days and lots of years left to give good service and unconditional love. Unfortunately, his parents are moving away and Rusty needs a new crib to cool his heels. On the plus side, he is well trained, has gotten all his shots, comes with his own house (see pic) and has a plethora of fun toys to play with.

So, if you are interested in opening your heart and home up to Rusty, why not give him a call at 344-3271 or 687-7895. Rusty is waiting to love you. :)

Hot Bitches of the Day - Kaya and Cream

Kaya and Cream are two wonderful 'girls' who's parents are returning to Canada shortly after a long assignment in Trinidad with the Canadian High Commission. Unfortunately, it will not be possible for Kaya and Cream to make the move back to the cold North and these beauties are therefore looking for a loving home to call their own.



As you can see from the pic, they are both in splendid condition. They are both very loving, loyal, well adjusted, spayed and have had all their shots. All thats missing is you!



So get in touch should you have a heart and home big enough for these two happy faces. You will never regret it.

So you've graduated from school, what's next?

We are notoriously at that time of the year when young people everywhere around the world let out a collective sigh of 'What's Next?'. For many, your next step is certain: a job somewhere and a clear idea (as dictated by the personal ATM machines aka Mom and Dad) of what your life ought to look like over the course of the next three decades. For the rest, the path is so much less clear and is sure to lead you to soaring heights or near oblivion.

Life is a Game of 'Snakes and Ladders' kiddies. Don't be fooled. Don't let the wool get pulled down over your eyes - because if you do, you're liable to end up with your tightey whiteys pulled down around your ankles and life standing behind you, grinning as it uncompromisingly sodomizes you because 'it can!'.

Perhaps the graphic imagery of an unpleasant sodomizing is unnecessary in this cursory tale. For some, the road will open up to a place where your whiteys wont stay on at all - at least not until the end of your playset. Places like the 'Silver Star' (see pic) are always on the lookout for 'talented' girls without a plan and who perhaps need a hand in figuring out their lives. As a wise man once said, "strippers come in three varieties: college student, junkie and baby mama." The rate of matriculation for each is nothing short of phenomenal.

But, hey: the world needs its fair share of strippers, janitors and stay at home moms. Just as it needs its fair share of doctors, nurses and yes, even lawyers. To paraphrase Mother Teresa: 'You just got to be sure to be the best stripper/ janitor / lawyer / doctor that you can be'.

From my own personal experience, the path meant more school and even then it required me to 'stumble into my current field. I got lucky, I suppose. Since I had almost figured it out by the time I was 27 or so. (By the way: I still only have it almost figured out.) I somehow lucked out and started working in Marketing. I liked it. It stuck.

I'm not trying to get all Baz Lurmann / Don't forget the sunscreen on you. I don't have all the answers. After fifteen years on the workforce, I still don't have all the answers. But there is one thing that I have learnt: you never will have all the answers. AND thats the beauty of the ride that you are about to embark on. There will be lots of twists and turns - thats for sure - and the only thing that's certain is that at some point we all check out. Until then: Enjoy the ride.

Welcome to the real world.

Hot Pussy of the Day: Harry

Harry the Ginge is looking for home to call his own. I've named this lil gin-ga Harry after the Prince of the same name and colouring - but as his new Mom and Dad you'd be welcome to call him anything you like just as long as its never late at dinnertime.

Apparently Harry was rescued from the King's Wharf in San Fernando (another parallel with the more famous Harry) by Cindy Heeralal a couple of weeks ago. Harry's still a kitten but has a great disposition and is totally housebroken. Judging from the pic however, Harry does not have all that great taste in footwear.

Please give Cindy a call at 708-7664 if you want to take this sexy ginge in.

Blast from an Obscure Past: Broadway Cigarettes

Anyone who knows me knows that I am notoriously anti-smoking, so don't misread my intentions in posting this ad.

This is an old yet iconic ad from a time before WITCO was legislated out of the media. My purpose here therefore is purely one of nostalgia.

Is it unique to Trinidad & Tobago that the cigarette companies for years tried to link smoking with more healthy pursuits such as Sports & Recreation?

Even though Broadway never got its tar stained, yellowing fingers on me, truth be told EVERYBODY who was born before 1980 knew this ad's dialogue.

Maybe it was the fact that there was just one television station seving the country back then or perhaps its just that melancholy desire to reminisce, but local advertising back then was in its Golden Age. The question that arises is simply: Would this ad stand up among the many on the airwaves today? I'll let you be the judge.

For me, I'm just going to close my eyes and throw my mind back to a more innocent time when the stature of a man was based on his ability to hang a jack not be one.

Greatest Moments in self-deprecation - My Humps

There are fewer moments more golden than this one on You Tube.

Picture if you will a serious artist in the person of Alanis Morrisette, not only covering a Pop Top 40 instant classic from the minds of the Black Eye Peas, but doing so in the most understated, beautiful and YES, funny of ways.

It seems that Alanis got more than an album of revenge songs from her time with comedian Dave Coulier (Uncle Joey if you're an Olsen twin). This is witty, self-deprecating humour at its finest. Its also one of the best (read: least annoying) covers of a BEP song that you will ever find.

Enjoy!

Hot Bitch of the Day - Bubbles

Today's Hot Bitch of the Day is a year-old Terrier mix called Bubbles.

Bubbles is available for adoption through the TTSPCA at Mucurapo where she is boarded with a number of other loving dogs just waiting to become some lucky boy or girl's companion for life.

So if you are not too busy this Saturday, why not take a drive down to the Shelter and spend some time with Bubbles and her friends.

As the proud parent of a former 'rescue dog' I can tell you that there is no greater love in the world.

Early Notices: Inception

Inception, or the film that in time will be remembered as Christopher Nolan's Inception, won't be officially released for another week, but already the buzz surrounding it has been phenonemal. Ever since the first teaser trailer hit the screen (and the internet) last August, I have literally been counting down the days until next Friday.

Not only does the film look like a visually amazing, mind-bending trip BUT more importantly its written and directed by no less an 'Auteur' than Christopher Nolan. A fact that will almost ensure that this movie will be 'all meat and no filler'. Inception looks like its James Bond meets Dark City meets Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. This movie will play with your head for days on end.

And the advance word on this movie seems to confirm all the hype and the hope of the last ten months. Already Inception is being hailed as Nolan's greatest masterpiece. And its star, Leonardo Di Caprio is being sized up for Oscar glory next March.

For the uninitiated, Christopher Nolan is the acclaimed film-maker of such films as the Dark Knight, Insomnia and the Prestige. But for me, it will always be a film called Memento that I will forever associate with Nolan's brilliance. If he can be that provocative on a budget that small then he must be that good.

In short, if you have never seen Memento - see it now. If you've never purchased a DVD (a real DVD and not from the DVD lady at the end of your street) then this is a better place than many to start your home collection. You WILL want to watch this movie over and over again - Or at least until next week, when Inception invades cinemas and takes over your mind.

Do It Now!

I saw this vid on the internet and quite frankly found it to be very inspirational.

I had expected Ridley Scott to come off as being a bit condescending, but as it turns out he's really nothing like James Cameron. :)

Ridley Scott as you may already know is the Director of such iconic films as Alien and Blade Runner which pretty much saved the Sci-Fi genre from a future populated by cutesy, adaptable aliens with sure-fire merchandising deals.

(As a side note, rumours are rampant on the internet regarding an Alien Prequel to be called Alien Harvest. For more you can read here: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/44796 )

He also brought us movies such as Gladiator (which brought back the whole 'blood and sand' genre), Thelma & Louise and GI Jane - which made Demi Moore the highest paid actress in the world.

All told, this is some of the best advice I have ever seen dispensed by a film-maker - by one of the biggest and influential directors of his time.

In a nutshell, if you are a would-be filmaker (performer, artist, etc) don't ever let anyone or anything get in the way of your dream. Just do it!

A voyage of a thousand miles begins with a single, simple step - and in Mr Scott's case, that step came in the form of the seemingly non-chalant epiphany of doing what he loves on a subject that he already thoroughly knew.

Hey, but don't read what I have to say about it. Watch it for yourself right here:

Hot Pussy of the Day: Ebony

Well guys - same routine. Today's Hot Pussy is this gorgeous black, short-hair domesticated queen aptly named 'Ebony'.






Ebony apparently has a sweet temparment and has received all her shots and has been spayed - so need to worry about those sleepless nights when puss takes forever to come home.

If you are a responsible pet owner and you are looking for the unconditional affection that you can only get from a pussy, then please contact Gina at Vinmer. The number there is 628-2773.

Save a Life. Save your Soul - Its that simple.

Blast from an obscure past: Carib Light

By now, we are all no doubt acquainted with the new Carib Brewery offering: Carib Pilsner Light. And the very slick press, radio and television advertising campaign that seeks to position it as somewhat of an enlightened choice - an aspirational choice to be enjoyed by the privileged few but ideal for the tastebuds of the dispirited many.


But few may recall that this is not Carib's first salvo into the world of niche products such as a 'light' beer. Now turn your clocks back to 1988 and a T&T that was broken in spirit and (very often) 'broken to tief'.

Times were hard then and the marketing minds at the brewery for some reason thought that the downtrodden would actually rise to the challenge of consuming more to get the same 'buzz' - especially given that so many were shiftless at that time. A light beer would be a god-send to those who had the need to waste away their days with their bellies pulled up to the counter of their favorite rum-shop.


With very little fanfare and the consumer credibility of a 'fart in a mitten', Carib launched Carib Light in 1988 and in support there was this ad:






At $2.25 today, this would be a winning proposition. But bear in mind that a bottle of regular beer retailed at $1.99 back then. In the minds of the consumer, he was being asked to spend more to consume less alcohol. And in a value conscious environment such as this one, that could never work.


Similarly, I tend to recall that there were issues with the taste of the product and more specifically an aftertaste that made imbibing this as pointless as 'Decaf' coffee.


Lastly, and in hindsight, I am of the view that they got the branding all wrong too. From the choice of the 'brown bottle' to the sea-foam green and yellow label to the understated presence of the Carib logo to the bad positioning - this should be a case study for all would-be marketers. The lesson: be careful how you diversify because some niches are just not worth it. Be careful how you stretch your brand because the negative connotations that come with one line-extension could do a dis-service to the originating brand.


So far, it would appear that Carib has gotten things right this time around with Carib Pilsner Light. Not only does the product taste great but the campaign is strong all round and the packaging is impeccable. Kudos Carib! Now if only we could get them to bring back that $2.25 price tag?

Hot Bitches of the Day (Volume 1)

And now for a new segment in this blog which will be forever known as 'Hot Bitches and Pretty Pussies' of the Day. :)

Today, we have a special treat: no fewer than FIVE featured bitches as shown below.

These beauties (all pompek and all female) are approximately six weeks old and they are all presently in need of a stable and loving home.

If you are interested in opening your hearts and homes to a wonderful and loving companion for life, then please call Gina at Vinmer Vetinary Clinic at 628-2773. They should be ready to move in with you in about four weeks - after a succesful home check and their spaying of course.

You will never ever regret being the adopted parent to your very own fur-kid. And as I always say: Save a Life. Save your Soul.

Lindsay goes to Summer Camp. (And by Summer Camp I mean, Prison).

So unless you live under a rock, you've probably heard by now that Lindsay Lohan has been brutally mistreated by the justice system (READ: they have finally had enough of her bull$h!t) and has been sentenced to ninety days in prison for violating the terms of her probation. Now, one need not have been a psychic or an octopus to have seen this one coming from a mile away. She had been crusin for this bruisin for quite some time.




After years of bad parenting, bad relatiionships and bad career advice Lindsay's star has certainly dimmed to just a fraction of what it had been when she was a teenager (READ: easier to manage). Surely it is now patently obvious that her problems require a much more serious intervention than Prison can reasonably offer. 90 days can either seem like an eternity for someone like LiLo or it could be a night out. Either way, the t-shirts have been printed (see below courtesy of http://www.bustedtees.com/) and it will be remembered.



In fact, if I hadnt known better (and mind you I dont really but I am assuming from the sobs and tears in court yesterday) - if I hadn't known better, I would have thought that this latest twist in LiLo's life has been carefully orchestrated not to bring her the notoriety, fortune or emotional support that would be craved by another more normal individual - but instead to bring Lindsay into a close and regular supply of butch carpet munchers, illegal drugs and alcohol - all of which will be in ready, unfettered and unmonitored supply in lock-up.






So, ninety days in Prison will for Lindsay be nothing more than Summer Camp. Hopefully the experience does not serve to fuck her up more than she already is FUCKED UP. But am I the only who sees this whole thing as being a bit messed up in that why didnt they schedule the 90 days in Rehab so that it occurs BEFORE she gets sent up river?






And the timing could either be seen as being a blessing or a curse in that Lindsay is scheduled to star in a film about porn actress Linda Lovelace starting this September. A turn which could just get her career back on track or based on the career missteps of the past five years, it could have turned out to be a 'pathway drug' that would have taken her to actually charging for baring her breasts and making some real money every time she allegedly went down on someone in a Nightclub Bathroom for coke.

In the end, its hard to feel true sympathy for Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay is yet another in a line of self-absorbed, over-indulged meal-tickets who appear to be unaware of the consequences of their actions let alone their responsibilty for them. Even at sentencing yesterday, Lindsay made the unwise decision to wear the customized manicure job shown above. No doubt intended to be some rebellious show of defiance to the 'man' or the 'system' or whatever it is that people like her refer to it nowadays. But at the end of the day, I think we can all agree to be part of the big communal 'FUCK YOU BACK!' that was deserved and dispensed yesterday in that Los Angeles courtroom in the hope that perhaps this time it will mark the beginning of some lasting, irrefutable change in Miss Lohan's life.

One way or the other, this Sunday the Dutch are going to choke cum Sunday.

http://http//guyism.com/2010/07/bobbi-eden-dutch-porn-star-offers-sex-to-twitter-followers.html

I, for one, am not too certain as to when the line was crossed - but it has become patently obvious that at least as far as this current edition of the World Cup is concerned, sport and sex DO mix. Be it the early concerns that pre-game day sexcapades affected the performance of some of the tournament's would be stars (such a the Spanish Goalkeeper Iker Casillas) or perhaps even the effect that the lack of physical contact with the infamous WAGs might have had on England's hopes in South Africa - sex has had its fair share of bylines in World Cup 2010.

Even before they had arrived in South Africa, the Lions had been thrown into tumult over allegations that their captain, John Terry, had had relations with the girlfriend of one of his team-mates (Wayne Bridge). Terry was subsequently stripped of his armband and on the basis of their performance, the team of its teeth long before the embarrassment of their one-all opening tie with the United States.

On the latter subject, there were allegations that England goalkeeper Robert Green's 'howling' error that gave the americans a share of the points that day may have been the result of what we in Trinidad would term a 'tabanca' - a love sickness due to his relationship problems with Elizabeth Minnett (yet another model). Hey, my problem with this trend is simple: when did the love lives of the English footballers start to be more exciting than the game that they played?

Both Diego Maradona and Carlos Dunga both admitted the need for their charges to express themselves in the bedroom in order to insure the best of their creativity on the field. And surely, they were not alone in their 'soft' stance when it came to their players' sex lives continuing unabated.

Added to this, the reports of the record numbers of 'sex-workers' reportedly coming into South Africa for the tournament. And now the most amusing trend of all: promises by random persons to perform some sort of socially unacceptable act should their team win the world cup. A trend, which oddly enough was started by no less a figure than Diego Maradona who promised to run through the streets of Buenos Aires naked if Argentina brought home the cup. Gratefully, the soccer gods ignored that wager and Maradona returned home fully clothed.

Since Maradona however there have been international reports of other persons including Paraguayan lingerie model Larissa Riquelme promising to run through the streets of Asuncion naked should her beloved team be the winner. Judging from some of the Photographs of Miss Riquelme on the internet however, she is not promising to expose anything that anyone in the world with a dial-up connection can already see. Not that I'm complaining mind you, but one would expect that you'd want to promise something quite out of the ordinary when you're making these deals with God.

And now to the news item that has brought me to my log at two in the morning: in celebration of the Netherlands Semi-Final victory on Tuesday, Bobbi Eden, a Dutch porn actress, has promised blow-jobs to all of her followers on Twitter. Immediately, her pool of followers has grown by fifty percent to eight thousand strong and one expects that as this story makes its way around the world, that that number would grow exponentially between now and the Final on Sunday - provided of course that football fans can put down the pint and stop talking about this World Cup long enough to figure out just how one goes about 'following' someone on Twitter.

Personally, I'm going to take a pass on Bobbi's offer - not that its not an attractive one and certainly not because Bobbi and her band of merry 'bobbers' are unattractive - because they appear to be quite so. Instead my apprehension has everything to do with the fact that I have no intention of being anyone's sloppy seconds let alone seven thousandths! In any event, it would appear that this Sunday, either the Dutch team (which already has a long history of crumbling under the weight of expectation) or the Dutch Women are going to CHOKE. And I for one have no intention of being the victim of either gag reflex.