As per the post immediately preceding this one, I'm as serious as a heart attack when I say that I have written a Calypso this year. Initially, I had intended to write one about the introduction of the Breathalyser and the lengths people were prepared to go to avoid it (including in one case a lady who offers to blow something else). But that just hasn't gotten off the ground as yet due to an apparent lack of either a) confidence or b) inspiration.
Enter the very latest in the series of gaffes perpetrated on this nation by the current band of Government officials: Water-Lawn-Gate!
The background:
The country is in the midst of a severe drought and as result the authorities have taken to extreme measures to ensure that water is being conserved.
The sin:
It would appear that the Prime Minister (or someone on his household staff) takes a serious issue with the idea of dry, brown grass adorning the front lawn of his palatial $180M palace and decided that it was best to run the sprinklers until the heavens open up. The authorities intervened (after the press highlighted the oversight) and ordered them to stop.
The outcry:
This happened less than 24 hours after the PM called on his constituents to do all they can to conserve water - so you can well imagine the hue and cry.
The aftermath:
The Landscaping Contractor whose apparent duty it was to keep the grass green was fired forthwith (mercifully without the benefit of Commission of Enquiry or the appointment of a Special Investigator). Forget the Butler, the Gardener did it!
Post-script:
So touched were the Jamaican people by the plight of the Prime Minister's lawn that several forward-thinking citizens decided to ship $8M worth of the finest Jamaican 'grass' to Trinidad to make up for any deficit caused by the drought. (See story here: http://www.newsday.co.tt/crime_and_court/0,115717.html ).
Inspired by the above, I was able to write a calypso in all of four minutes as the lyrics literally flowed out of me faster than the water out of a Hotel standpipe. I've called my masterpiece 'Blame it on de Gardener' and I have every intention of recording it - so doh pirate meh. Yuh hear?!
Blame it on de Gardener
Verse One
It would take a degree
in Patopsychology
To understand truly –
what happenin to we
Wid all kind ting taking place
And all kinda people runnin de place
It is plain to see
It is plain to see
Bridge
Before you bawl and you complain
And point a finger at Minister ‘Wha he name’
Blame it on de man
Wid a big hose in his hand
Chorus:
No water in yuh pipe – Blame it on de Gardener
No police in sight – Blame it on de Gardener
No judge to protect yuh rights – Blame it on de Garnener
How we goh sleep tonight? – Blame it on de Gardener
Verse Two
I doh mean to strain yuh brain
Or cause you undue pain
I cyar plant at all
I only wettin lawn
All kinda big men cryin here
And big, big money spendin – where?
It is plain to see
It is plain to see
Bridge
Next time you bawl and you complain
And point yuh finger at Minister Wha’ she name
Blame it on de one
De one wid de green thumb
Chorus :
Panday lose he stand – Blame it on de Gardener
Kamla break she hand – Blame it on de Gardener
Hazel have a plan – Blame it on de Gardener
Sleep alone in St Ann’s – Blame it on de Gardener
Instrumental / Percussion break:
(Now wet meh…….)
Chorus:
Million dollar flag – Blame it on de Gardener
Summits full of swag – blame it on de Gardener
New Taxes – cat in bag – Blame it on de Gardener
Calder start to brag! – Blame it on de Gardener
Verse Three:
Wid de IQ of a flea
Dat Sando duncee
Have all of T&T
Like a set a damn bobolee
De kinda tiefin going on
Not a soul see nuttin wrong
But it is plain to see
It so plain to see
Bridge:
Next time instead of bawl and complain
Pelt a stone at Minister Wha he name
Blame it on de man
Who yuh tell to wet de land
Chorus:
Swine flu come and gone – Blame it on de Gardener
Students watchin porn – Blame it on de Gardener
Comission takin long (Right Max!) – Blame it on de Gardener
Whatever going wrong – Blame it on de Gardener
Wid all kind ting taking place
And all kinda people runnin de place
It is plain to see
It is plain to see
No comments:
Post a Comment