Wednesday, November 3, 2010

...And not the one called 'The One with the List'....

Everybody remembers that episode of Friends, 'The One with Frank Jr' (and not the one titled 'The One with the List' which was a completely different scenario) where the Friends each come up with their lists of those celebrities that they can get a 'free pass' with.

After some debate, Ross opts to 'bump' Isabella Rossellini from his 'Five' on the suggestion that she was 'too international' and therefore the odds of that 'situation' occurring were made even slimmer. Of course Ross does bump into Isabella Rossellini and we're left asking 'Would he have even stood a chance to begin with?'.

Thanks to her recent appearance in 'Dancing with the Stars', Shakira reminded me of all the reasons why she's been on my 'list' for the past five years. Seriously. The Other Half and myself have joked about this for years. And should Shakira call me tomorrow morning, I expect that she (the Other Half) would make good on her word and let me 'go' - no fault divorce and all.

Coincidentally, I had a 'Ross List' long before that Episode even aired. There were two lists in fact. And one was international. (The latter included such classic beauties as Catherine Deneveue, Isabel Adjani, Jacqueline Bisset and ironically, Isabella Rossellini.)

Of course times change. Tastes change. And People Change. So who's on my List now? Well, you asked for it. Here are my seven (yes, I'm allowed to put as many as I like!) - in virtual laminate.

7. Shakira

Quite possibly the most potent sexual force in the universe measuring under five feet, Shakira has for her Columbian Homeland, single handedly undone the decades of bad reputation built up by Pablo Escobar, the Medellin Cartel and the FARC. She makes you want to not just understand the Spanish language, but to compose long Neruda-esque poems odes to her
doe eyed beauty as well. She just makes me want to be a better man. Shakira has come a long way from being a Coumbian Rock-Star who occasionally shakes her hips and is now a full-fledged international phenomenon as well. Her hips don't lie. And neither does her ass. Or eyes, for that matter. As this video proves:

6. Charlize Theron

In the past few decades, South Africa has given us Nelson Mandela, Great Wines and Charlize Theron and it would be a push for anyone to explain why she shouldnt be named the country's number one export. The tall, graceful beauty is the only 'blonde' on my list. In part because I'm the kind of guy who fancies beautiful brunettes, but more importantly due to the fact that there are very few blondes who can begin to measure up on the Theron Scale. Ever since she first stepped out on to the screen in the much underated 'Two Days in the Valley', there have been few other blondes to capture my heart. And as the following clip proves, she really knows how to get the old heart pumping. :)

5. Kate Beckinsale

I still recall the first time that I really noticed Kate Beckinsale. It was in the Whit Stillman flick 'Last Days of Disco'. Her character was delicate, pretty, vulnerable and brutally honest to a fault. Not that good a first impression. And of course it wouldn't be long before she would capture my heart with her sweet-syruppy, fate-obsessed 'Sara' in 'Serendipity' and then grind me up aggressively against any of the four walls in my head wearing only her rubber jumpsuit from 'Underworld'. This English Rose is pure class and has the great ass to prove it.

4. Rachel Weisz

Its odd just how many Brits make my list. Perhaps its the accent. Or the playful nonchalance required to not-take-oneself-seriously. There is just something magical about British actresses. Take Rachel Weisz. Rachel Weisz is not your classic beauty - but God help me if she isnt the most attractive f#$king woman that I have EVER seen. But her dark eyes and 'mein' remind me of Tennyson automatically. And thankfully, the ring on my finger and stalking legislation keep me delicately tethered to earth. She makes me week in the knees and fills me with a desire to do nothing but stare, mouth ajar, and drool like a complete idiot. Thank you Rachel.

3. Jennifer Aniston

And speaking of 'Rachel's ........

An ironic choice, I know, given that she played Ross' soulmate for all those years on Friends. I mean 'How Cool is Rachel?' to give Ross such a 'bye' in the first place? Sure he didnt stand a chance with any of the names on his list (laminated or not), but she was the cool girlfriend that everybody wanted because of it. Jen lands on my list for two big reasons: The first is the fact that she probably has one of the best bodies in Hollywood. The Second: Because Brad Pitt is an idiot. There. I said it. I know I'm in the minority when I say this, but Angelina Jolie (pillowy lips and all) would never land on my list. And I for one, would never trade down from a Jennifer Aniston.
2. Penelope Cruz

How is it that I didnt notice you sooner? I remeber you as 'Luz' in La Belle Epoque, but I was too busy ogling your sisters to notice the potential in such an awkward looking young woman. Even years later when you came to America and starred in films like Woman on Top, Gothika, and Vanilla Sky - I have to admit that I really wasnt that impressed. But not so now. Truly the duckling has become a swan, and like a fine wine you keep getting better with age. You are my Iberian Goddess.

1. Elizabeth Hurley

I should have qualified my list up front by explaining that there is nothing scientific in it. Neither are the selections placed in any real and lasting order. All women are beautiful in their own unique way. There must be some scientific rationale to explain why the human heart accelerates at the sight of a certain look or the sound of a certain laugh or voice. A glance through 'my list' and one wonders if there is a type that can be distilled as being unique to me. Brunettes, perhaps? Self-deprecation? Great stems? Accents? Perhaps the last stands out more than the others with this group as there are three brits in my seven. And two latinas with very pronounced accents. As a teenager, I was in love with the French accent or more specifically, of a french woman speaking english. Strange, I know. But heck I wanted to get married to Kate Bush's voice too! But if there was any one voice that I can point to on this list that would get me all RCA Victor every time, its probably Elizabeth Hurley's.

Liz Hurley is yet another of these women who defies the laws of nature and continues to grow old (scratch that) grows better with each coming year. Amazing voice aside, the Hurley-bird looks amazing in a bikini. For that matter, she looks amazing in a sack cloth as well. And thanks to her starring turn in 'Bedazzled' she has made Catholic-guilt irrelevant to an entire generation who will go to sleep tonight believing that the Devil looks like a supermodel. What a sinful delight!

That's my Seven. So, tell me. Who's on Your Ross List?

Monday, November 1, 2010

2 Guys, A Girl and A Pizza: Sunnyboy, Dumplin and Poochie are looking for a home.

A friend of a friend is looking for permanent homes for three adorable dogs that she has been boarding. Unfortunately, circumstances will not allow for them to be permanent parents. I would love to help the situation out and I am only asking that you share these details with anyone who might have the room in their heart to adopt.

Sunny Boy was found on the flyover into Port of Spain byBhagwansingh's Hardware. He was sitting there with no shade for a couple of days with only a puddle of water to drink from. That was two months ago. Since then he has been rehabilitated and is turning into quite a watchdog.

Dumplin was found by the side of the highway down south, and was only discovered as a result of her cries from a patch of sugarcane. She's a chubby little girl, thereforethe name. She's about 4 months old and has large paws.

Poochie is the newest addition to the pack and he was found on the PBR and is proving to be quite the character.

All three dogs can be adopted separately. And they have all received their first shots and their worming. Just e-mail me at if you're interested.

Save a Life. Save your Soul.


Sunday, October 31, 2010

Eeeeeeek!!!!! Seven Creepy Music Videos (Just in time for Halloween)

So, Halloweeen's got me thinking: What are the scariest music videos of all time? When all the universe sent back in return was the sound of crickets, I was struck with the realization that in spite of the popularity of both music video and horror movies as visual genres on their own, and in spite of the fertle breeding ground bewteen the two - the instance in which Music and the Macabre have made sweet love together has been few and far between.

We have of course had any number of videos that either drew from the cultural touchstones (Eddie Money's 'I think I'm in Love' and 'Doing it all for my baby' by Huey Lewis & the News come to mind, see here ) or are music videos for scary movies that arent in themselves scary to begin with. :P Music has sought to make the horror movie genre its bitch. And at times it has irreverently tried to satirize and caricature, and make light of the dark side. The result has been that the pop mainstream has been spared the bleeding reality of someone like Ozzy or even Marilyn Manson reaching their fullest visual potential.

So in spite of the fact that Rob Zombie has become a Movie Director in his own right, there has still been a surprising deficit of scary and / or startling and / or creepy music videos. In fact its been somewhat of a wasteland.

So until such a time when Freddy can throughly gouge out the eyes and skullf#$k pop-music, we're just going to have to make do with the following coutdown of the Seven Creepiest Music Videos:

7. Nine Inch Nails "Closer"

Several of the videos on this countdown have the built-in advantage of sounding insidious, dark and brooding. Much of the NIN catalog would be at home being used in the soundtrack for a horror movie. In fact much of this particular video plays like a series of experiments gone wrong. And even though there is no apparent threat. No copious amounts of blood and gore to drive the message home, this is still a very provocative clip and song. Even now. And if you dont believe me, I dare you to turn the lights down, watch this video and say Trent Resnor's name in the mirror three times. You know what I'm talking about.

6. Swans "Love of Life"

In spite of the fact that many of the images (repeated ad nauseum) in this clip are religious in nature, this song admittedly creeped me out a bit back in the 90s. Must have been the style and delivery of the track itself. That and the fact that I never quite got the image of the bunny setting itself alight. WTF!?

5. Rob Zombie "Dragula"

Rob Zombie has made the 'successful' transition from creepy music to film-maker, with such movies as 'House of 1000 corpses' and 'Devil's Rejects' under his belt. His videos have run the gamut from weird and repressed to downright laughable. This particular video is a great mix of classic horror footage as well as his own twisted mind. If this doesnt convince you, try watching his vid for 'Living Dead Girl' ( ) or even 'Return of the Phantom Stranger'. So strange indeed. But having seen his movies, I am driven to ask - 'In the Absence of a Rating System for Music Videos, has the apparent 'censorship' and careful administration of themes and images been a concious effort to self-police and self-regulate?

4. Prodigy "Breathe"

Is there much needs to be said about these sneering British Latter day lost boys. Their menacing is much more Kubrick's Droogs (a la Clockwork Orange) than anything to do with vampires, werewolves and ghosts. But truth be told, I'd have more of a hard time meeting up with one of these guys down a dark alley than something more conventional. At the least, this might just move you to dance as well.

3. Tool "Stinkfist"

Any description of this video is certain to sell it far short of its mark. The only thing as distinctive as Tool's sound is their body of music videos. Strange, but I havent got a clue what any of the members of Tool look like. I just hope that they arent any of the pseudo-cadavers in this vid.

2. Marilyn Manson "Beautiful People"

There is certainly no shortage of provocative videos from the Godfather of Shock Rock. Marilym Manson certainly prided himself on being different, controversial and almost anti.....everything. He's not too far removed from Madonna in so much that he has wielded religion and social norms in much the same way that 'madge' flaunted her sexuality for fifteen years. Once again, there are elements here that are both strange and symbolic - and in the end, just downright creepy.

1. Aphex Twin "Come to Daddy"

This is probably the 'Daddy' of creepy music videos. In the years since I first saw this (in a time long ago when MTV still showed music videos well into Prime Time) the imagery and the dark sinister music have stuck with me. Is it any wonder that it features at the top of this impromptu tribute. I can hardly imagine anyone - let alone - MTV running a clip as macabre as this anytime soon. If you click on just one clip in this countdown let this be the one - but dont do so too close to your bedtime. The images will stick with you and haunt the dark recesses of your mind.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Not with a 'BANG' but a whimper......Remembering Tropical Storm Tomas

There is little left to be said. A patch of bad weather immediately to the East of the Island has disrupted commerce, created mass panic and once again shown up the incompetence of an entire government. And even though the most amateur of meterologists (ie ME) could have forecast the insignificance of the event, the people of this 'Mango' Republic have somehow conspired to make a long weekend out of this.

The most frustrating thing of course has been the apparent lack of up-to-date information and the general lack of a plan. Without even as much as a drizzle, the Government took the decision to shut down offices at midday and to dismiss schools throughout the entire country. The immediate result: well over one hundred thousand Public Sector workers and students jostling for a way home. *Cue the traffic jams*

Personally, I had the unfortunate pleasure of being in transit as it unfolded. And a drive which should have taken less than five minutes in flowing traffic - robbed me of an hour and fifteen minutes of my life and left me with a new pain in my ass.

It now appears that as a nation, we are prone to mass panic attacks or that we are now open to any suggestion that would lead to the curtailing of work hours. It would have been curious to check on the status of the limers on the 'Avenue' this past evening. I am almost certain that they were out in force, in their rank and file - drinks in hand - toasting Tropical Storm Tomas as it veered past us and headed towards our neighbours to the North.

Much unlike the police, the military and the emergency services of this country who still remain clueless as to how they ought to act in any situation of public urgency. If they were out conducting traffic, patroling the streets and evacuating the cities - I certainly saw no evidence of it.

At least with Bimshire in its sights, Tomas has now found a more equally matched adversary. Barbados being a more orderly country - they would obviously be better prepared for an event such as a Tropical Cyclone. I will say a pray for them nevertheless, as this has not been the kindest of weeks for them. Fare thee well Bimshire. You will survive this too. And show remarkable composure in so doing.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Thanks to GQ I'm going to have to re-evaluate my position on watching 'Glee'

So, Ok. Lets face facts. I'm a hetero - so the chances of me being a regular watcher of the Fox Television Series 'Glee' are slim to none. From the little that I have watched of the show, I can only opine that sixty minutes of relative 'nobodys' singing covers of old pop-songs is about as compelling as watching karaoke from the back of a crowded smoke-filled lounge in Hong Kong. To me 'Glee' is all filler and no meat.

Now enter GQ. Intent as always to win hearts and minds - and to change the course of pop-culture one month at a time. I long ditched GQ in favour magazines that had loftier pretensions (thats you Esquire). And for me its relevance in all things pop-culture has long been eclipsed. Until now.

I have presented above, exhibits one through six that together prove me wrong. In the first instance, on the question of its (GQ's) relevance. And in the latter, on the subject of 'Glee'.

Based on the evidence, I must admit to the errors of my ways. And though, I am not naive enough to believe that either Ms Michelle or Ms Agron will ever be featured in character in such sexual charged poses on the show that has now made them famous - these photos have gone a long way to making me a fan of theirs and perhaps even by extension, a fan of 'Glee'.

For all the wrong reasons. Yes, perhaps. But for tonight, Glee has been rescued from the 'dustbin' in my mind - at least until such a time that the redundancy and absurdity washes these images from my mind.

Damn you GQ! But, Hello there, Glee Girls.

Poetry Break #4 - Woolworths

I caught a glimpse of the child today.

A Frustration of reflections,

Dancing along the mirrored glass sides

Of steel horses sauntering on stone & asphalt

That gore at his feet as they steal past.

He is running alongside them now,

Looking for an escape,

A space to dart through

But his need goes unnoticed.

Questions unanswered

And Graces unaccounted for,

He has long stripped himself of himself

And left it there abandoned

At the curbside.

The road rises up to meet his feet,

In his hands - a ball

The world clutched to his 40 lb frame,

Bigger than he is and

Perched precariously above his snow-white shoulders.

He stops now.

He notices now.

He knows.

The child turns around to face me.

The traffic grinds to a halt;

Time (that infinite machine) grinds.

And the world stops turning in his hands,

Tips forward

And crashes to a fault.

The word is stripped from me now.

Laid bare, I am nothing but a hanging sentence.

With nothing more than

The memory of a reflection of a ghost.

His cold eyes reach up to mine now

From three feet off the ground.



Giggling impishly –

Giddy with the casual realization

That the child

Is me?

I am meditating upon

Klee’s ‘Scream’,

(Does the man scream because someone has stolen the words from his lips?

Or does he scream because he is ‘me’)

Its all too much for me to digest.

Its greater than the sum total of meaning.

To much to bear on these shoulders

(Too much; too bare - these shoulders)

For I long dropped the ball

And watched it crash,

On a stone and asphalt heart.

And Watched the child

Plucked up from this place.

High above the men and the steel horses,

Drifting, floating out of reach –

The child is lost.

The Child is lost.

No search parties assembled.

No army of angels dispatched.

Only an open grave

Hungrily waiting,

The (printer’s) devil adds another ‘S’ to the ‘child’s laughter’.

The devil adds another name to his ledger.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I know I'm late to the party but B*G Rocks!

I am fully aware that I am late to the fabulous party that is 'Battlestar Galactica' (or 'B star G' to longtime fans). Quite frankly I never gave this show a chance while it 'quietly' had its four year run on SyFy. But I did have the good fortune of catching it from the start on a local television station, and now I'm hooked!

Now be sure of one thing: this is not the Battlestar Galactica of your childhood. There are no cutesy furry Daggits to pre-occupy the kids this time around. B*G is the real thing. With complex plot and character developments, great acting, beautiful faces and chock-full of adrenaline inducing excitement. This is just a cool ride through and through! And quite possibly not only one of the best updates ever attempted in television and cinema - but also a far superior product to the late 1970s original.

So if you are up for one of the most entertaining, thought provoking, plot-driven dramas to hit the small screen in the past decade then tune into CNC3 this Friday night at 8.00PM.

Matchbox Art

Personally, I've been a big fan of music video as an artform for much of my life. For me, it was the video for Billy Preston's 'Nothing from Nothing' that first tuned me into the fact that music and images could be married together to form something thoroughly entertaining and nothing short of magical.

From there I discovered the provocative nature of music video when I 'fell in love' with Debbie Harry and the band Blondie thanks to this video here:

Soon after, MTV was born and in a time when MTV still aired music videos, I just couldnt get enough. From the Buggles to Men at Work to Duran Duran - music became irrelevant inless there was a quality music video to accompany it. Many of the iconic images of my past ARE borrowed from these 'objets d'art'. I am an appreciator and a worshipper. And in another life I would have quite probably pursued my dream of being a Director thanks in large part to music video.

Now. Where am I leading with all this reminiscing?

I stumbled upon this video from a band called the Navigators for a song called 'My Place'.

What makes this music video a work of art is not the quality of the music itself but it is the art direction. With reference to the artwork shown at the top of this blog entry, Prague-based designer Pavel Fuksa (a.k.a. jergot+gotroch), ambitiously designed 178 different matchbox designs for use in this music videos.

The result is something quite simple yet refreshingly different. And something that works well without being pretentious or self-serving. Its wonderful to see such a commitment to graphic design - especially where the opportunity exists to 'revive' a forgotten art.

This is great stuff! Let me know what you think.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Stupid Human Tricks: Just how did you break your collarbone?

This one is pretty self explanatory, but being the first installment in our series aptly titled 'Stupid Human Tricks, this deserves more than a drumroll and a hanky.

It never ceases to amaze me that an animal that is capable of exploring new worlds, and adapting to the neverending changes in his environment, is also quite capable of producing the occasional idiots as the ones in this partiucular case. As a series of unfortunate events, this would probably make for an amusing sequence in a movie. Not a very good movie mind you, but quite possibly the best sequence nevertheless. Two simple lessons to be derived from this adventure: Motorcycles stay outside and don't smoke in the house (shack, trailer or hovel). Either can contribue to a long stay at the hospital.

Hot Bitch of the Day - Rusty

Today's Hot Bitch of the Day is named Rusty. Now let me make this abunduntly clear: as much as he wants to be your bitch (boy; loving companion) he is not so prepared to say a permanent goodbye to his boy parts. Yes, today's HBOTD is a B-O-Y.

Rusty is a ridgeback mix an dis three years old. Which means he's got lots of energy to fill your days and lots of years left to give good service and unconditional love. Unfortunately, his parents are moving away and Rusty needs a new crib to cool his heels. On the plus side, he is well trained, has gotten all his shots, comes with his own house (see pic) and has a plethora of fun toys to play with.

So, if you are interested in opening your heart and home up to Rusty, why not give him a call at 344-3271 or 687-7895. Rusty is waiting to love you. :)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Hot Bitches of the Day - Kaya and Cream

Kaya and Cream are two wonderful 'girls' who's parents are returning to Canada shortly after a long assignment in Trinidad with the Canadian High Commission. Unfortunately, it will not be possible for Kaya and Cream to make the move back to the cold North and these beauties are therefore looking for a loving home to call their own.

As you can see from the pic, they are both in splendid condition. They are both very loving, loyal, well adjusted, spayed and have had all their shots. All thats missing is you!

So get in touch should you have a heart and home big enough for these two happy faces. You will never regret it.

So you've graduated from school, what's next?

We are notoriously at that time of the year when young people everywhere around the world let out a collective sigh of 'What's Next?'. For many, your next step is certain: a job somewhere and a clear idea (as dictated by the personal ATM machines aka Mom and Dad) of what your life ought to look like over the course of the next three decades. For the rest, the path is so much less clear and is sure to lead you to soaring heights or near oblivion.

Life is a Game of 'Snakes and Ladders' kiddies. Don't be fooled. Don't let the wool get pulled down over your eyes - because if you do, you're liable to end up with your tightey whiteys pulled down around your ankles and life standing behind you, grinning as it uncompromisingly sodomizes you because 'it can!'.

Perhaps the graphic imagery of an unpleasant sodomizing is unnecessary in this cursory tale. For some, the road will open up to a place where your whiteys wont stay on at all - at least not until the end of your playset. Places like the 'Silver Star' (see pic) are always on the lookout for 'talented' girls without a plan and who perhaps need a hand in figuring out their lives. As a wise man once said, "strippers come in three varieties: college student, junkie and baby mama." The rate of matriculation for each is nothing short of phenomenal.

But, hey: the world needs its fair share of strippers, janitors and stay at home moms. Just as it needs its fair share of doctors, nurses and yes, even lawyers. To paraphrase Mother Teresa: 'You just got to be sure to be the best stripper/ janitor / lawyer / doctor that you can be'.

From my own personal experience, the path meant more school and even then it required me to 'stumble into my current field. I got lucky, I suppose. Since I had almost figured it out by the time I was 27 or so. (By the way: I still only have it almost figured out.) I somehow lucked out and started working in Marketing. I liked it. It stuck.

I'm not trying to get all Baz Lurmann / Don't forget the sunscreen on you. I don't have all the answers. After fifteen years on the workforce, I still don't have all the answers. But there is one thing that I have learnt: you never will have all the answers. AND thats the beauty of the ride that you are about to embark on. There will be lots of twists and turns - thats for sure - and the only thing that's certain is that at some point we all check out. Until then: Enjoy the ride.

Welcome to the real world.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Hot Pussy of the Day: Harry

Harry the Ginge is looking for home to call his own. I've named this lil gin-ga Harry after the Prince of the same name and colouring - but as his new Mom and Dad you'd be welcome to call him anything you like just as long as its never late at dinnertime.

Apparently Harry was rescued from the King's Wharf in San Fernando (another parallel with the more famous Harry) by Cindy Heeralal a couple of weeks ago. Harry's still a kitten but has a great disposition and is totally housebroken. Judging from the pic however, Harry does not have all that great taste in footwear.

Please give Cindy a call at 708-7664 if you want to take this sexy ginge in.

Blast from an Obscure Past: Broadway Cigarettes

Anyone who knows me knows that I am notoriously anti-smoking, so don't misread my intentions in posting this ad.

This is an old yet iconic ad from a time before WITCO was legislated out of the media. My purpose here therefore is purely one of nostalgia.

Is it unique to Trinidad & Tobago that the cigarette companies for years tried to link smoking with more healthy pursuits such as Sports & Recreation?

Even though Broadway never got its tar stained, yellowing fingers on me, truth be told EVERYBODY who was born before 1980 knew this ad's dialogue.

Maybe it was the fact that there was just one television station seving the country back then or perhaps its just that melancholy desire to reminisce, but local advertising back then was in its Golden Age. The question that arises is simply: Would this ad stand up among the many on the airwaves today? I'll let you be the judge.

For me, I'm just going to close my eyes and throw my mind back to a more innocent time when the stature of a man was based on his ability to hang a jack not be one.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Greatest Moments in self-deprecation - My Humps

There are fewer moments more golden than this one on You Tube.
Picture if you will a serious artist in the person of Alanis Morrisette, not only covering a Pop Top 40 instant classic from the minds of the Black Eye Peas, but doing so in the most understated, beautiful and YES, funny of ways.
It seems that Alanis got more than an album of revenge songs from her time with comedian Dave Coulier (Uncle Joey if you're an Olsen twin). This is witty, self-deprecating humour at its finest. Its also one of the best (read: least annoying) covers of a BEP song that you will ever find.

Hot Bitch of the Day - Bubbles

Today's Hot Bitch of the Day is a year-old Terrier mix called Bubbles.

Bubbles is available for adoption through the TTSPCA at Mucurapo where she is boarded with a number of other loving dogs just waiting to become some lucky boy or girl's companion for life.

So if you are not too busy this Saturday, why not take a drive down to the Shelter and spend some time with Bubbles and her friends.

As the proud parent of a former 'rescue dog' I can tell you that there is no greater love in the world.

Early Notices: Inception

Inception, or the film that in time will be remembered as Christopher Nolan's Inception, won't be officially released for another week, but already the buzz surrounding it has been phenonemal. Ever since the first teaser trailer hit the screen (and the internet) last August, I have literally been counting down the days until next Friday.

Not only does the film look like a visually amazing, mind-bending trip BUT more importantly its written and directed by no less an 'Auteur' than Christopher Nolan. A fact that will almost ensure that this movie will be 'all meat and no filler'. Inception looks like its James Bond meets Dark City meets Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. This movie will play with your head for days on end.

And the advance word on this movie seems to confirm all the hype and the hope of the last ten months. Already Inception is being hailed as Nolan's greatest masterpiece. And its star, Leonardo Di Caprio is being sized up for Oscar glory next March.

For the uninitiated, Christopher Nolan is the acclaimed film-maker of such films as the Dark Knight, Insomnia and the Prestige. But for me, it will always be a film called Memento that I will forever associate with Nolan's brilliance. If he can be that provocative on a budget that small then he must be that good.

In short, if you have never seen Memento - see it now. If you've never purchased a DVD (a real DVD and not from the DVD lady at the end of your street) then this is a better place than many to start your home collection. You WILL want to watch this movie over and over again - Or at least until next week, when Inception invades cinemas and takes over your mind.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Do It Now!

I saw this vid on the internet and quite frankly found it to be very inspirational.

I had expected Ridley Scott to come off as being a bit condescending, but as it turns out he's really nothing like James Cameron. :)

Ridley Scott as you may already know is the Director of such iconic films as Alien and Blade Runner which pretty much saved the Sci-Fi genre from a future populated by cutesy, adaptable aliens with sure-fire merchandising deals.

(As a side note, rumours are rampant on the internet regarding an Alien Prequel to be called Alien Harvest. For more you can read here: )

He also brought us movies such as Gladiator (which brought back the whole 'blood and sand' genre), Thelma & Louise and GI Jane - which made Demi Moore the highest paid actress in the world.

All told, this is some of the best advice I have ever seen dispensed by a film-maker - by one of the biggest and influential directors of his time.
In a nutshell, if you are a would-be filmaker (performer, artist, etc) don't ever let anyone or anything get in the way of your dream. Just do it!

A voyage of a thousand miles begins with a single, simple step - and in Mr Scott's case, that step came in the form of the seemingly non-chalant epiphany of doing what he loves on a subject that he already thoroughly knew.

Hey, but don't read what I have to say about it. Watch it for yourself right here:

Hot Pussy of the Day: Ebony

Well guys - same routine. Today's Hot Pussy is this gorgeous black, short-hair domesticated queen aptly named 'Ebony'.

Ebony apparently has a sweet temparment and has received all her shots and has been spayed - so need to worry about those sleepless nights when puss takes forever to come home.

If you are a responsible pet owner and you are looking for the unconditional affection that you can only get from a pussy, then please contact Gina at Vinmer. The number there is 628-2773.

Save a Life. Save your Soul - Its that simple.

Blast from an obscure past: Carib Light

By now, we are all no doubt acquainted with the new Carib Brewery offering: Carib Pilsner Light. And the very slick press, radio and television advertising campaign that seeks to position it as somewhat of an enlightened choice - an aspirational choice to be enjoyed by the privileged few but ideal for the tastebuds of the dispirited many.

But few may recall that this is not Carib's first salvo into the world of niche products such as a 'light' beer. Now turn your clocks back to 1988 and a T&T that was broken in spirit and (very often) 'broken to tief'.

Times were hard then and the marketing minds at the brewery for some reason thought that the downtrodden would actually rise to the challenge of consuming more to get the same 'buzz' - especially given that so many were shiftless at that time. A light beer would be a god-send to those who had the need to waste away their days with their bellies pulled up to the counter of their favorite rum-shop.

With very little fanfare and the consumer credibility of a 'fart in a mitten', Carib launched Carib Light in 1988 and in support there was this ad:

At $2.25 today, this would be a winning proposition. But bear in mind that a bottle of regular beer retailed at $1.99 back then. In the minds of the consumer, he was being asked to spend more to consume less alcohol. And in a value conscious environment such as this one, that could never work.

Similarly, I tend to recall that there were issues with the taste of the product and more specifically an aftertaste that made imbibing this as pointless as 'Decaf' coffee.

Lastly, and in hindsight, I am of the view that they got the branding all wrong too. From the choice of the 'brown bottle' to the sea-foam green and yellow label to the understated presence of the Carib logo to the bad positioning - this should be a case study for all would-be marketers. The lesson: be careful how you diversify because some niches are just not worth it. Be careful how you stretch your brand because the negative connotations that come with one line-extension could do a dis-service to the originating brand.

So far, it would appear that Carib has gotten things right this time around with Carib Pilsner Light. Not only does the product taste great but the campaign is strong all round and the packaging is impeccable. Kudos Carib! Now if only we could get them to bring back that $2.25 price tag?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Hot Bitches of the Day (Volume 1)

And now for a new segment in this blog which will be forever known as 'Hot Bitches and Pretty Pussies' of the Day. :)

Today, we have a special treat: no fewer than FIVE featured bitches as shown below.

These beauties (all pompek and all female) are approximately six weeks old and they are all presently in need of a stable and loving home.

If you are interested in opening your hearts and homes to a wonderful and loving companion for life, then please call Gina at Vinmer Vetinary Clinic at 628-2773. They should be ready to move in with you in about four weeks - after a succesful home check and their spaying of course.

You will never ever regret being the adopted parent to your very own fur-kid. And as I always say: Save a Life. Save your Soul.

Lindsay goes to Summer Camp. (And by Summer Camp I mean, Prison).

So unless you live under a rock, you've probably heard by now that Lindsay Lohan has been brutally mistreated by the justice system (READ: they have finally had enough of her bull$h!t) and has been sentenced to ninety days in prison for violating the terms of her probation. Now, one need not have been a psychic or an octopus to have seen this one coming from a mile away. She had been crusin for this bruisin for quite some time.

After years of bad parenting, bad relatiionships and bad career advice Lindsay's star has certainly dimmed to just a fraction of what it had been when she was a teenager (READ: easier to manage). Surely it is now patently obvious that her problems require a much more serious intervention than Prison can reasonably offer. 90 days can either seem like an eternity for someone like LiLo or it could be a night out. Either way, the t-shirts have been printed (see below courtesy of and it will be remembered.

In fact, if I hadnt known better (and mind you I dont really but I am assuming from the sobs and tears in court yesterday) - if I hadn't known better, I would have thought that this latest twist in LiLo's life has been carefully orchestrated not to bring her the notoriety, fortune or emotional support that would be craved by another more normal individual - but instead to bring Lindsay into a close and regular supply of butch carpet munchers, illegal drugs and alcohol - all of which will be in ready, unfettered and unmonitored supply in lock-up.

So, ninety days in Prison will for Lindsay be nothing more than Summer Camp. Hopefully the experience does not serve to fuck her up more than she already is FUCKED UP. But am I the only who sees this whole thing as being a bit messed up in that why didnt they schedule the 90 days in Rehab so that it occurs BEFORE she gets sent up river?

And the timing could either be seen as being a blessing or a curse in that Lindsay is scheduled to star in a film about porn actress Linda Lovelace starting this September. A turn which could just get her career back on track or based on the career missteps of the past five years, it could have turned out to be a 'pathway drug' that would have taken her to actually charging for baring her breasts and making some real money every time she allegedly went down on someone in a Nightclub Bathroom for coke.

In the end, its hard to feel true sympathy for Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay is yet another in a line of self-absorbed, over-indulged meal-tickets who appear to be unaware of the consequences of their actions let alone their responsibilty for them. Even at sentencing yesterday, Lindsay made the unwise decision to wear the customized manicure job shown above. No doubt intended to be some rebellious show of defiance to the 'man' or the 'system' or whatever it is that people like her refer to it nowadays. But at the end of the day, I think we can all agree to be part of the big communal 'FUCK YOU BACK!' that was deserved and dispensed yesterday in that Los Angeles courtroom in the hope that perhaps this time it will mark the beginning of some lasting, irrefutable change in Miss Lohan's life.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

One way or the other, this Sunday the Dutch are going to choke cum Sunday.

I, for one, am not too certain as to when the line was crossed - but it has become patently obvious that at least as far as this current edition of the World Cup is concerned, sport and sex DO mix. Be it the early concerns that pre-game day sexcapades affected the performance of some of the tournament's would be stars (such a the Spanish Goalkeeper Iker Casillas) or perhaps even the effect that the lack of physical contact with the infamous WAGs might have had on England's hopes in South Africa - sex has had its fair share of bylines in World Cup 2010.

Even before they had arrived in South Africa, the Lions had been thrown into tumult over allegations that their captain, John Terry, had had relations with the girlfriend of one of his team-mates (Wayne Bridge). Terry was subsequently stripped of his armband and on the basis of their performance, the team of its teeth long before the embarrassment of their one-all opening tie with the United States.

On the latter subject, there were allegations that England goalkeeper Robert Green's 'howling' error that gave the americans a share of the points that day may have been the result of what we in Trinidad would term a 'tabanca' - a love sickness due to his relationship problems with Elizabeth Minnett (yet another model). Hey, my problem with this trend is simple: when did the love lives of the English footballers start to be more exciting than the game that they played?

Both Diego Maradona and Carlos Dunga both admitted the need for their charges to express themselves in the bedroom in order to insure the best of their creativity on the field. And surely, they were not alone in their 'soft' stance when it came to their players' sex lives continuing unabated.

Added to this, the reports of the record numbers of 'sex-workers' reportedly coming into South Africa for the tournament. And now the most amusing trend of all: promises by random persons to perform some sort of socially unacceptable act should their team win the world cup. A trend, which oddly enough was started by no less a figure than Diego Maradona who promised to run through the streets of Buenos Aires naked if Argentina brought home the cup. Gratefully, the soccer gods ignored that wager and Maradona returned home fully clothed.

Since Maradona however there have been international reports of other persons including Paraguayan lingerie model Larissa Riquelme promising to run through the streets of Asuncion naked should her beloved team be the winner. Judging from some of the Photographs of Miss Riquelme on the internet however, she is not promising to expose anything that anyone in the world with a dial-up connection can already see. Not that I'm complaining mind you, but one would expect that you'd want to promise something quite out of the ordinary when you're making these deals with God.

And now to the news item that has brought me to my log at two in the morning: in celebration of the Netherlands Semi-Final victory on Tuesday, Bobbi Eden, a Dutch porn actress, has promised blow-jobs to all of her followers on Twitter. Immediately, her pool of followers has grown by fifty percent to eight thousand strong and one expects that as this story makes its way around the world, that that number would grow exponentially between now and the Final on Sunday - provided of course that football fans can put down the pint and stop talking about this World Cup long enough to figure out just how one goes about 'following' someone on Twitter.

Personally, I'm going to take a pass on Bobbi's offer - not that its not an attractive one and certainly not because Bobbi and her band of merry 'bobbers' are unattractive - because they appear to be quite so. Instead my apprehension has everything to do with the fact that I have no intention of being anyone's sloppy seconds let alone seven thousandths! In any event, it would appear that this Sunday, either the Dutch team (which already has a long history of crumbling under the weight of expectation) or the Dutch Women are going to CHOKE. And I for one have no intention of being the victim of either gag reflex.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Naaaah, they werent so greeeeeaat after all!

In a true testimony of how the human brain works, my mind wandered by the cage housing that pre-Crack, crack-addict Tony the Tiger this morning.

Tony the Tiger - just in case you have been under a rock for sixty years - is the grand-daddy of cereal mascots and more specifically he has been 'pushing' these sugar bombs on an unsuspecting public for the past three generations. Millions of cavities and cases of juvenile diabetes later, Tony the Tiger stepped out of his cage and onto this page today, and in so doing reminded me: You can't always get what you want.

Perhaps it was the Rolling Stones (or George Michael) who sung it best, but it was a photo posted by a friend on Facebook today of IHOP's infamous Strawberry Banana pancakes that reminded me of a more innocent time and the assertion that I should be able to eat Kellogs Frosted Flakes for all my main meals and as a snack in between.

Thankfully, the monotony that accompanies repetition kicked in long before a sugar induced coma or infantile obesity and I was spared from the Tiger's claws - then! And the adjunct to the main lesson was then made clear: You should never always get what you want.

And so it is that I suppose that fate has once again saved me the ignomious distinction of being the fattest man alive by placing the nearest IHOP at least 1,628 miles away. But I get ahead of myself. This blog was really meant as a reminder that sometimes 'sugar' can make you do the most fucked up things. And here we can readily replace 'sugar' with anything else that is self serving, self-indulgent and utterly addictive.

In my life, I have eaten my way to the bottom of a large box of cereal, collected the baseball cards that were to be found there, snuck out of the house, cheated, lied, willfully inflicted hurt (on myself and on others) and even paid too much just to have a taste. Without ever once having an accusatory finger pointed at me. Never admitting to myself that I am an addict. Addicted to the pleasures that I have stumbled upon on this side of what is legislated and morally (for the most part) acceptable.

And though I could look back at my charmed life and down at a body (and mind) that has been (relatively) unscathed I've never been more than a few steps ahead of that Tiger's claws.

And although initially I have been a victim of suave merchandizing, slick advertising, and the sated mumblings of the addicts before me, one thing remains true: its always been about the sugar. And it will always continue to be about the sugar.

Word to the wise: Stay away from the sugar!

Stay Away from the sugar

My bleary eyes stir
restless circles into my bowl
of stale cornflakes,
grown soggy
with tears of frustration
and resentment.

And the somber epiphany
That the Tiger
has had me like a spoon by the tail
Long before
The soured milk
had been poured.

I am drowning;
a tea bag hung perilously above
The waves and the outstretched lips and teeth
put away: Blowing softly
Over the decades
and raging seas.

Over the sound of
My own shill voice
Calling out from the inside of the big blue box,
‘Fuck You Tony the Tiger!’
‘You’re not so Grrrrrreeeaaaaat after all!’

Thursday, May 27, 2010

She always said I had a problem finishing what I started.

I ran out of time - not reasons - and as a consequence, the Election Primer was left incomplete. Fortunately and in spite of my predicament, reason won (on this rare occassion) and the People's Partnership won the election on May 24 (or Patrick Manning lost - depending on how you wish to look at it). Still here are the remaining reasons as to why you should have voted this General Election and why you should have cast your ballot for anyone but the PNM:


$1.5B spent and no real benefit to speak of - except perhaps the pleasure of putting 'I met the Queen and President Obama' on your resume. *sigh* Even the international news coverage that was promised was less than enthusiastic. While many of us stayed indoors rather than to have to deal with ridiculous traffic restrictions, the rest of the world virtually ignored the fact that we were playing hosts to one of the underwhelming actvities on the press calendar. While Manning et al hobnobbed, the press ventured into Beetham Gardens and commented on the blatant show of banana republic excess. At least we had our five minutes of fame courtesy of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report - even if it painted us as a spanish speaking banana republic - at least they got it half right.

No one can tell you what has been spent on this white elephant to date. And they certainly have made little attempt to say just what it will cost at its completion. In any event, four years is far too much time to have been spent on this project and anything over $400M is nothing but gravy. At its completion we will no doubt have the most expensive Tsunami shelter in this hemisphere.

U is for University of Trinidad & Tobago
Only the PNM would spend copious amounts of money to start up a fledgling tertiary institution while starving the regional, recognised university of much needed funds. This while all the while preaching the gospel of regional integration. yet another one of those pesky mixed messages that was conveniently ignored so that certain people could walk around with honorary titles and unchecked entertainment allowances. Sweet!

V is for Victimization
Like it or not, the PNM systematically ignored the needs of the East Indian population. Be it scholarships through the Ministry of Culture, use of national facilities, disbursements for cultural events, National Awards, positions at State-run companies, or just the delievry of basi necessities such as water and paved roads, the PNM did a piss-poor job by indians. At least the PM was a self-proclaimed roti fanatic. A fact that is more than enough to disprove any accusation of racism that could be levelled against him or his Government.

W is for WASA
WASA has been one of those perpetual problems, not unlike Herpes, that has been the bane of all Governments for the past fifty years. This time around, there were more jobs for the boys, more leaks and more reason for worry and bother than ever. In the end was this Government done in by the worst drought in a century? And the almost laughable attempts to conserve water (and expense) that has resulted in WASA becoming one of the most indebted enterprises in T&T.

For years, the people of this country have had an uncertain relationship with foreigners. They both loved them and despised them. Distrusted and relied solely upon them. Alternately Married them and raped and murdered them. Thanks to the Manning Administration however, ny sentiments of Xenophobia have been replaced by a LOVE for all things foreign - particularly if it came from China via Canada. We've had hallmark projects paid for with your tax dollars but designed, managed and constructed by foreigners. We've had foreign culture given preference over the local ones. Jobs to foreigners. Aid to foreigners. Etc. I am certain that once an audit is completed the Government would have export more dollars and opportunities for sustainable development than any other government in this country's history - including under colonial rule. Naturally, aAs the holder of a canadian passport I feel as though I missed out on the rush while it was happening. Damn you morals and ethics!

Y is for YES MEN
There has been no shortage of 'yes men' in this Government. We've had sycophants of all kinds in the past eight years as the PM has systematically purged the dissent out of his party and surrounded himself with outstrectched hands. They would probably agree to any suggestion that the PM might bring to the table. Like lemmings - they will all follow their leader to certain death.

I have no doubt that the sound of the PM'svoice was for many a source of comfort and joy. For many more more however, it was a signal to switch channels. Yes, his voice may have bored and frustrated you to tears in the last eight years - but to me, it worked better than that white noise between radio stations. Thanks for the many nights of sound sleep Mr PM. I now understand how Hazel has remained married to you for so long.