Thursday, March 4, 2010

What If? Vol 1: What if Vladamir Putin was Prime Minister of Trinidad & Tobago

As far as world leaders go, few are as colourful as Vladamir Putin. I mean how many world leaders can boast of being referred to as the sexiest leader in the world (see link). Vlad likes to practice his judo and shoot his gun, and from all appearances he is one of the poorest members of his party on the political scene with a net worth of less than US$200K.

With a leader like Putin, there would be nary a dull moment on the political front and surely there would be more bare-chested shenanigans to look forward to. At the very least, he would be a vast improvement on the PM that we have now.

So, what would it be like to have Vladamir Putin as Prime Minister? The following is my top ten list of all the ways he would make T&T a more 'interesting' place:

10. He'd build a pipeline to supply gas to the rest of the caribbean and then turn off the supply the minute they failed to pay their bill.
9. Instead of a church in Guanapo we would have Karate Dojo called 'The Lighthouse of the Lord Chuck Norris'.
8. T&T would invade Venezuela - because we can!
7. Putin would start off a President, make himself PM and then morph into the Prime President by the time those pesky term limits come knockin'.
6. We would never have spent $200M on the blimp. Instead two Putinesque gargoyles would patrol the skies 24/7 and would cost us far less than $27M a year in maintenance.
5. Calder Hart would have long been mistaken for an American and summarily shot on sight.
4. The Summit and the CHOGM would have been pre-empted in favour of the International Conference of all things Vlad.
3. New legislation regarding Criminal Penalties would be passed so that the maximum sentence for any crime would now be 'three minutes in the cage with Vladamir Putin'. Crime would be reduced by 95% the next day.
2. The Prime Minister's wife would know her rightful place is in silence and in perpetual adoration of Vlad.

And number 1.........National Elections would be replaced by a Text2Vote Poll searching for the candidate who looks best with his / her shirt off.

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